Ohtori Academy: A Contemporary Musical
by CelianAdellanie
Summary: Ever wonder what Ohtori Academy would be like if it was a musical made of parodies of modern pop songs? Yeah, me neither. Whatever the case, here it is. Laugh, cry, or throw your advanced biology textbook at the computer screen in anger. Please note that I do not own any of the songs parodied. First multipart fic, so please RxR. I value input and song suggestions.
1. Act 1 Scene 1

Ohtori Academy: A Contemporary Musical

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own SKU or KE$HA'S "Tik Tok". A rather odd combination, as it were.**

Act 1, Scene 1

The bells rang, and Utena jumped out of bed, almost hitting the ceiling. She landed perfectly on the ground, already dressed in her signature boy's uniform. Her bubblegum pink hair swished down to fall on her back. Himemiya was already in the kitchen, so all Utena had to do to tidy the room was make her bed. Or at least try to. In a moment, Himemiya would rush over, protesting that the duelist shouldn't do housework. She sang as she tucked in the sheets.

"Wake up in the mornin' feeling like Prince Dios

Got my bride I'm out the door I'm gonna hit the Arena

Before I leave, brush my teeth with some rose petal jam,

'Cause when I leave for the duel I might not come back."

Then Himemiya came in and snatched the duvet, saying "Miss Utena, please don't worry about the housework."

"Come on, Himemiya, you have to let me do something," Utena complained.

"Don't worry about it." Himemiya smiled. Utena rolled her eyes and went back to singing as she brushed her teeth.

"I'm talkin' epaulettes on my clothes, clothes,

fancy white dueling rose, rose,

ornate Sword of Dios, oh.

Na na I'm dueling crazy Saionji,

pitying hopeful Miki,

trying not to lose to Juri."

They went to breakfast, ChuChu latching onto Utena's shoulder. Utena pulled out a chair for Himemiya, then sat down herself.

"Don't stop, make it pop, build the Revolution up

Tonight, I'mma fight for that garden sunlight

Tick tock on the clock eternity don't stop,

I'm like woah~ oh, woah~ oh."

Utena grabbed her bookbag, Himemiya changed into her uniform, and they started to school. ChuChu danced, Utena skipped, and Himemiya glided.

"Ain't got no parents in the world, but got plenty of bling

Ain't got no castle to call my own, but I got a rose ring.

Now the bishies linin' up cause they hear we got swagger,

But we kick em to the curb because they don't really matter."

Utena slapped away Touga's hand trying to touch her hair and they continued down the hall. Himemiya had a hand pressed to her smiling mouth.

"I'm talkin' about roses turning insane colors,

conniving chairmen and mothers,

super touchy creepy brothers,

but nobody kicks them out, out.

No police to shut them down, down.

Maybe a prince can shut them down~..."

Ohtori Academy joined in except for Akio Ohtori, making a chorus that the shadow girls delighted in as they followed Utena to the Chairman's building.

"Don't stop, make it pop, build the Revolution up

Tonight, I'mma fight for that garden sunlight

Tick tock on the clock eternity don't stop,

I'm like woah~ oh, woah~ oh.

"Don't stop, make it pop, build the Revolution up

Tonight, I'mma fight for that garden sunlight

Tick tock on the clock eternity don't stop,

I'm like woah~ oh, woah~ oh."

Utena and Anthy cried, "For the revolution of the world!" and Utena pulled the sword of Dios out. The Prince to Be marched up to Akio, pointing the blade at his neck. her boy's uniform turned into a pink rose bride dress.

"My prince, you build me up, you break me down.

My heart, it pounds, yeah you got me.

Put yours hands up

The jig's up now

Fall to the ground

Yeah we got you!"

Utena sliced the skirts of her dress so that the skirt was short, then took her red shorts from Himemiya and cut the remains of the dress into a rose-colored jacket.

"Don't stop, make it pop, build the Revolution up

Tonight, I'mma fight for that garden sunlight

Tick tock on the clock eternity don't stop,

I'm like woah~ oh, woah~ oh.

"Don't stop, make it pop, build the Revolution up

Tonight, I'mma fight for that garden sunlight

Tick tock on the clock eternity don't stop,

I'm like woah~ oh, woah~ oh."

Everyone cornered Akio. And then he jumped onto his red convertible and rode off. Utena grumbled.

"At least we had good practice for tomorrow, Miss Utena," Himemiya said cheerfully.


	2. Act 1 Scene 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own SKU or "Livin my Life" by Rihanna and T.I., a oddly fitting combination as may be.**

Act 1 Scene 2

Mikage sat in the elevator waiting for another person to drop by. He started to sing to himself as he sat back in his chair.

"Ma ya hee, ma ya haa. Ma ha hoo, ma ya ha ha.

Ma ya hee, ma ya haa."

"It's a special what's haapnin' to all my," Mamiya cut in, handing Mikage a black rose.

"Ma ha hoo, ma ya ha ha."

"All my duelists with your hearts of black."

"Ma ya hee, ma ya haa."

"'Errbody in the arena."

"Ma ha hoo, ma ya ha ha."

"What you need to do is be hateful of the love you got, know what I'm saying?"

"Ma ya hee, ma ya haa."

"Start looking at what you ain't got and stop being thankful for what you do got."

"Ma ha hoo, ma ya ha ha."

"Let's give it to 'em, baby cyborg." Mikage poured tea for them, then turned on his computer.

"You're gonna be a duelist star," he sang.

"That's right."

"With frilly clothes and heartbreak sca-ars.

"Hey, hey, hey, yeah."

"And then you'll see, you'll never go far."

"Go, hey."

"Cause Utena knows, just who you a-are."

"Mikage, let's get it!"

Kanae walked down the hall, following the arrows. The door shut and the sign turned to "In Use".

"Ay!"

"So kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"You steady chasing that prince girl."

"Ay!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, Ay ay ay."

"Ain't got no time for no princes."

"Ain't got time for 'em; burning buildings, kiddies."

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"No telling where it'll take you,"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, ay ay ay. Hey yo, We did it again, genius!"

"I'm an eternity chaser."

"Follow the staircase up."

"Just kill the Bride!" The elevator clunked to a stop, and Kanae stood up shakily.

"The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Put your hands up!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Let me see you put your hands up!" Mamiya thrust the rose into Kanae's chest, and Mikage slipped the black rose crest onto her finger.

"Hey, Never mind what adults say, ignore them 'til they fade away

Amazing they ungrateful for after all the game I gave away

Safe to say I paved the way, for your duels to get fought today

You'd still be wasting days away, now had I never saved the day

Consider them my protege, homage I think they should pay

Instead of being gracious, they violate in a major way

I always been a hater, still I love them in a crazy way!"

Mamiya rapped, jumping on pulled out Black Rose Boy coffins as if they were stairs.

"Some say they so yay and no they couldn't get love on St. V's Day

It ain't that rosy pink it has an area that's spotted all 'round black and gray

I'm dark side anyway, even if I left today and stayed away

Some move away to make a way not move away cause they afraid

I brought back to the school and all you ever did was take away

I pray for patience but they make me wanna melt their face away

Like I once gave them pay, now I could make them spend their life away

Been studyin' all my life, can't say I don't deserve to take a break

If you ever see me catch a case, and watch eternity fade away."

"I'm gonna be a duelist star," Kanae sang, arms hooked with Mikage and Mamiya.

"That's right!" Mamiya crowed.

"With frilly clothes and heartbreak sca-ars.

"Hey, hey, hey, yeah."

"And then you'll see, you'll never go far."

"Go, hey."

"Cause Utena knows, just who you a-are," Mikage reminded.

"Mikage, let's get it!"

Kanae strode down the rows of desks with vases of lilies on display.

"Ay!"

"So kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"You steady chasing that white rose."

"Ay!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, Ay ay ay."

"Ain't got no time for no princes."

"Ain't got time for 'em; burning buildings, kiddies."

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"No telling where it'll take you,"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, ay ay ay. Hey yo, We did it again, genius!"

"I'm an eternity chaser."

"Follow the staircase up."

"Just kill the Bride!" The elevator clunked to a stop, and Kanae stood up shakily.

"The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Put your hands up!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Let me see you put your hands up!" Utena arrived and looked at Kanae in horror. The duel started.

Mikage rapped in Nemuro Memorial hall.

"I'm the opposite of moderate, immaculately polished with

The spirit of a genius and the love life of a college kid

Allergic to nobility, undermining the politics

Articulate but still would grab a duelist by the collar quick."

He drank his water, watching Miki sitting in the other chair.

"Whoever having problems with, their dueling records just make 'em yip

If that don't work and all else fails, then turn around and

I got love for the game but ay I'm not in love with all of it

Will do without the fame and the duelists nowadays are comedy.

"The cryin' and the seducin', back and forth with the arguing

Where's your sword, who's your soul, what you desire and the racing car you in

It's as though you lost sight of what's important with the positive

And messes with the power and you fallin' into melancholy

Your values is a disarray, prioritizing horribly

Unhappy with your riches cause you're love is poor morally

Ignoring all prior advice and forewarning

And we mighty full of ourselves all of a sudden aren't we?"

Miki left the room, and Mikage stared after him. He stood up, then headed to the dueling arena to watch the fight take place. He stood on the balcony, using Touga's opera glasses to watch the fight.

"You're gonna be a duelist star," he sang.

"That's right."

"With frilly clothes and heartbreak sca-ars.

"Hey, hey, hey, yeah."

"And then you'll see, you'll never go far."

"Go, hey."

"Cause Utena knows, just who you a-are."

"Mikage, let's get it!"

"Ay!"

"So kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"You steady chasing that prince girl."

"Ay!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, Ay ay ay."

"Ain't got no time for no princes."

"Ain't got time for 'em; burning buildings, kiddies."

Utena flipped backwards to avoid Kanae's oncoming blow.

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!, Ay ay ay."

"No telling where it'll take you,"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Oh!, ay ay ay. Hey yo, We did it again, genius!"

"I'm an eternity chaser."

"Follow the staircase up."

"Just kill the Bride!" "The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Put your hands up!"

"Just kill the Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh!"

"The Bride!"

"Ay!"

"The Bride!"

"Oh! Let me see you put your hands up!" Black rose petal fluttered on air filled with the pealing of bells. Kanae slumped to the ground, and the desks blocked into place. Utena walked over to her sadly and sang.

"Got everybody watching what I do

Come walk in my shoes

And see the way I'm livin' if you really want to

Got my mind on eternity, and I'm not going away

So keep on gettin' 'ya soul sword,"

"Ah!" Chuchu joined in.

"And keep on climbin'"

"Ah!"

"Look in the mirror,"

"Ah!"

"And stop your whinin'

"Whinin'!"

"'Til the game end,

'Til the clock stop,

We 'gon post up on the castle top

Protectin' my Bride!"

"My Bride!"

"My Bride!"

"My Bride!"

"Ma ya haa!" Mikage sang evilly.

Himemiya and Utena helped Kanae off the ground.

"Got a way to eternity," he whispered.

"Ma ya hoo!" Mamiya agreed.

Got my black rose boys on a mission to kill the bride."

"Ma ya ha ha, ma ya hee."

"The Bride!"

"Ma ya haa!"

"I'll kill her and switch her with you!"

"Ma ya hoo!"

"You'll be my bride!"

"Your bride?!"

"You'll be my bride!"

"Your bride?!"

"You, I will never lose!"

"You'll be my bride!"

"Your bride?!"

"I don't need Tokiko!"

"Ma ya hee, ma ya haa

Ma ya hoo, ma ya ha ha

Ma ya hee, ma ya haa

Ma ya hoo, ma ya ha ha!" Mikage sang soulfully, getting much too into it.

"Sempai?" Mamiya asked tentatively. "Is that, hmm, I don't know, inappropriate?"

"Shut up, Mamiya! You're an invalid child who only survives for me to project the illusion of love I wish requited upon!"

"But Sempai*, this is getting weird!"

"Ma ya hee, ma ya haa

Ma ya hoo, ma ya ha ha

Ma ya hee, ma ya haa

Ma ya hoo, ma ya ha ha!"

"Phew!" Mamiya sighed. "At least that's over!"

"Here," Mikage said, pushing a rose bride dress into Mamiya's hands.

"Excuse my language, Sempai, but what the hell is this for?"

"You'll be my bride!"

"Uggh!" Mamiya groaned angrily. In anger, he bashed the lever of the elevator.

"Zounds!" Mikage said, flying out of his seat as the elevator dropped down.

"What kind of swear word is 'zounds'?" The elevator crashed to the bottom. "Hey, the door won't open." Mamiya looked to Mikage, who's was giving him a crazed look.

"Oy! Semapi!"

"I fear you're all on your own, Mamiya dear," he said faintly. "My path has not been prepared with me."

"By Dios! If I'd known you were such a coward, I'd never had agreed to this manic plot. You know what? Screw this. Where's big sis Tokiko?"

"Oh, you wouldn't want to know," said Akio, opening up the elevator door with ungodly strength. "You really wouldn't."


	3. Act 2 Scene 1

**DISCLAIMER: I am a fanfiction writer and I am not One Direction. I do not own SKU. Idid not write "Beautiful". If I did, please inform me and I shall self-destruct.**

"Hey, Kozue!" Miki said, dropping his notebook. The boy with his sister smirked, then disappeared. "Who was that boy you were with?" He crossed his arms disapprovingly.

"Shut up, Miki," she said, poking him in the chest. "You don't know anything.

"You are naive," she sang, hooking arms with him and leading him to the greenhouse.

"A nerdy bore,

To whom differential calculus is not a chore,

Don't need make-ups,

To bring grades up,

But when it come to bird and bees, you're just dumb."

"Everyone else in the duels can see it,

Everyone else but you," Juri joined in.

"Kiddy, though you play the keyboard like George Handel,

You've no idea how to act when you're around a girl,

But when you smile kinda blankly it ain't hard to tell,

You don't know,

Oh, oh,

You don't know you're ignorant!" Kozue proclaimed. Miki blushed deeply when she pushed him into the greenhouse. Himemiya greeted them.

"If only you saw what I can see,

You'd know why I protect you so desperately,

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,

You don't know,

Oh, oh,

You don't know you're ignorant,

Oh, oh,

That's what makes you ignorant!" Kozue shook her head as Miki stumbled around a conversation with HImemiya. Frustrated, Juri tugged him out of the greenhouse and steered him to the Student Council Room with an arm around his shoulder.

"So c-come on.

You got it wrong.

To prove I'm right

I put it in a song." They sat down at the table. Touga joined them, smiling provokingly at Miki.

"It's just not right," he joined.

"To call you shy,

When you always act like you are all-knowing, wise!"

"Everyone else in the duels can see it,

Everyone else but you," Saionji sang.

"Mickey you irritate me like nobody else,

The way your 'shining thing' gets makes you way too compelled,

But when you smile kinda empty, just too innocent,

You don't know,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant." Juri beat Saionji at cards in Miki's defense.

"If only you saw what I can see,

You'll understand why I envy you so desperately,

Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,

You don't know,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant,

Oh oh,

That's what makes you ignorant," Juri sighed.

"Na na na na na na na na na na

Na na na na na na," shouted the whole Student Council.

"Honey, you may make milkshakes like nobody else,

The way that you fence so carefully make me want to yell,

But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,

You don't know,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant!" Music soared from out over the balcony.

"Algebra isn't hard work for a genius,

But when it comes to hanky panky you can't see it,

And when you smile kinda blankly at dirty thinking you can't,

You don't know,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant,

If only you saw what we can see,

You'll understand why we can help but patronize you daily,

Right now we're looking at you and we can't believe,

You don't know,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant,

Oh oh,

You don't know you're ignorant,

Oh oh,-"

"That's what makes me ignorant?" MIki asked, clicking his stopwatch. "I'd better write that down." He scribbled in his notebook.

"Trust me, Mickey, that's not going to help," Juri said sadly.


	4. Act 2 Scene 2

**Disclaimer: I in no way own SKU or Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off". But I do think it makes an interesting connection.**

Bright and early Sunday morning, Juri was at the fencing courts for her special practice regimen. She had locked the doors, and reveled in the quiet. Subconsciously, she took out the locket and gazed at the picture of Shiori. In a fit of anger, she through it down to the ground. Then she picked it up again, put it back on, and began one of the many drills. Her foil swished in time to her singing.

"Don't got a soul mate

I'm above a world mundane

That's what people say

That's what people say." She leveled her foil at an imaginary foe.

"I'm called a fencing great

But I'm too hard to play

At least that's what people say

That's what people say." She took a deep breath and executed her favorite moves.

"But I keep musing

Can't stop, won't stop brooding

It's like I got this saying

In my mind, claiming miracles work out just fine." She scowled.

"But the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Duelists I'm just gonna break and then remake, and

Forsake love," she sung.

"Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby I'm just gonna break and then remake, and

Forsake love, forsake self!" The door creaked opened, and Juri whirled around to see just Miki. She sighed in relief. She didn't care if Miki had the key to the room, as long as the rest of the fencing team didn't come in. She continued to sing, and Miki began to warm up, not minding her powerful voice.

"Crippled by Shiori

In my own tragedy

And that's what they don't see

That's what they don't see," she told him.

"I'm fighting on my own

I make moves as I go

And that's what they don't know

That's what they don't know." Miki tried to join in for the chorus.

"But I keep musing

Can't stop, won't stop brooding

A horrid and wrong saying

In my mind, claiming miracles work out just fine." She shook her head sadly.

"But the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

The heart that she did break, I'll now remake, and

Forsake love." Miki frowned at that, and stopped her with a touch on the arm. She raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Hey, hey, hey

Just think while you been getting down and out about society

And the dirty dirty cheats of the world

You could have been ridding lives of cruel deceit," he reasoned. She shrugged his hand off coldly.

"The ex-captain stole my old girlfriend

I'm like oh my god

So love I will forsake

And to naive prince over there with pink bubblegum hair

Can't you realize miracles are fake, fake, fake?" she lectured, pointing at an imaginary Utena. Miki sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, and began to spar with Juri.

Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Ruka, I'm just gonna stab you with a stake

Your mistake, your mistake!" Her slashes grew even more ferocious.

"Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Shiori's just a snake snake snake snake, snake

Her mistake, her mistake!

Her mistake, her mistake!

Her mistake, her mistake!" She finished triumphantly, her foil bending against his padding. They were both breathing hard.

"Why that was cruel, Miss Juri," said Shiori slyly.

"Miss Shiori!" Juri said, shocked and embarrassed, if only slightly. "Did you leave the door open, Miki?"

"Oops," he said, avoiding her eyes.


	5. Act 2 Scene 3

**This chapter is a mini-gift for gorgeousshutin who has been working so hard and needs some fun:)**

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to either Katy Perry's "Roar" or SKU. Please note that singing this song with the Japanese pronunciation of the sound a cow makes heightens the experience: Mooohhhh, not, mooooo.

The next morning, Nanami got up without her brother waking her. Ate breakfast with weirdo Anthy and airhead Utena without her brother. Was greeted by Tsuwabuki, who didn't greet her brother, who quite frankly, wasn't there. Nanami felt hurt, but mostly fabulous. She sang as Tsuwabuki walked her to school. She stretched her arms up to the air, free of the schoolbag Tsuwabuki was carrying.

"I used to abuse power like a noblesse

Chased by elephants, then making a mess

I acted wildly, shoving propriety." Tsuwabuki frowned, holding up a finger, but she ignored him. They swept past Aiko, Yuuko, and Keiko.

"I guess that I forgot I had a choice

No more will I be at the hip a joint

I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything!" She glared at Touga from across the highway and continued to Early Japanese.

"You treated me like a small pup

I'm sick of his patronizing, thus

He'll hear my hooves, he'll hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground." Class ended, and she strode to Algebra.

"You held me down, but I got up

Get ready 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now," she sang evilly, watching Touga through the window with a suspicious grin. Suddenly, she excused herself from class, put on the cowbell that Tsuwabuki offered her, and charged at Touga, who was practicing Kendo with Saionji. Do any of the Student Council members even take classes?

"I got the eye of the heifer, a fighter, running towards the fire

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moo

Warrior, just like Orion

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moooooooooo!" Touga's hair acted as a red cloth, flipping in the wind, and Nanami attacked. Irrepressible drama showed on Touga's face. Quickly he grabbed her horns, and they each tried to fend off the other.

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh"

"Every day I hate you mooooooore!" Nanami cow flew back from Touga's force, then turned back into Nanami. Without missing a beat, she stood up, and walked away with attitude. Tsuwabuki brushed off her jacket hurriedly.

"Are you alright, Miss Nanami?" he asked.

"Of course I am, Tsuwabuki, why would it be otherwise? That was just practice. The real action comes next" She laughed her laugh, then went back to singing, unfazed.

"Now to me, you're vermin, like a fly

I will soon surpass you, no more gripes

I went from zero, to my own hero!" She sat down at the cafeteria table, and Tsuwabuki brought her her lunch.

"He pushed me down, but I got up

Already brushing off the dust

He'll hear my hooves, he'll hear that sound

Like thunder gonna shake the ground

You lied to me, but you 'fessed up

No more brothers 'cause I've had enough

I see it all, I see it now!" She ascended the Student Council Elevator. The metal doors opened, and she greeted her fellow members and Touga, belting out her song.

"I got the eye of the heifer, a fighter, running towards the fire

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moo

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moo!" She sat down at the table. Touga looked up from cutting his split ends.

"Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me moo

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me moo

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me moo…"

"Mo-oo, mo-oo, mo-oo, mo-oo" Nanami sang, then stabbed a piece of pink paper onto the table with her dagger. Touga's jaw dropped, and so too did his MePhone 7.

"What is this?" A duel challenge?" he demanded. "But, I'm your beloved Big Brother!"

"It would appear circumstances have changed," Miki said, recording the time with a click of the stopwatch." Saionji and Juri snorted in unison, glared at each other quickly, then looked away with harrumphs.

"It would," Nanami agreed, then stood up and flounced off. She sung again, almost as if in refrain, with a menacing glint in her eyes.

"I got the eye of the heifer, a fighter, running towards the fire

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moo

Louder, louder than a lion

'Cause I am a duelist and you're gonna hear me moo

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me moo

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You'll hear me moo

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're gonna hear me moo…"

"Miss Nanami?" Tsuwabuki asked, for he had been there the entire time, "Do you think it is wise to retaliate against your brother like this? I mean, he's a guy, and so much stronger."

"What, did you want to fight him?" Nanami said sharply. "Test your strength or something?"

"No, miss," Tsuwabuki said, looking down, having been totally cowed.


	6. Act 2 Scene 4

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to Meghan Trainor's "All About That Bass" or SKU. In some ways, I'm very glad.

On a morning like all other mornings, Touga Kiryu, Student Council President, was admiring his face in the mirror. The sharp, shoujo manga jawline, the sparkly violet eyes, the fabulous cheekbones, and then a mane of glorious red hair to finish off the look. And just like all other mornings, he began to serenade his own beauty. Narcissism wasn't a condition, it was a lifestyle.

"Because you know I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about that face

'Bout that face... face... face… face!"

Touga sauntered to the main entrance of Ohtori Academy, where legions of fangirls waited, screaming "Sempai, notice me!" He flipped his hair showily.

"Yeah, it's pretty clear, my hair's the perfect hue

And I can shake it, shake it, like I'm supposed to do

'Cause I got that boom boom that all the girls chase

And all the sparkle in all the right places." All the fangirls fainted except Utena's. Utena walked out to confront Touga.

"Touga. What do you think you're doing? Mr. Arrogant President." Anthy hid a smile behind her hand although there was really no need. The expression was as bland as her neutral one. ChuChu pretended to die of disgust.

"I see masculine boys, with hair all crop-top

We know that that don't work, come on now, make it stop

'Cause I got beauty, beauty, I'm a bishonen yup

'Cause every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top." Touga told Utena. Utena rolled her eyes, and pushed Touga away. He trailed behind her, continuing his singing.

"Yeah, my dada he told me that everything's "in the eyes."

"Shoo wop wop, sha-ooh wop wop," Saionji added.

He says, "Girls like a little hypnosis to go on the side."

"That beauty, uh, that beauty beauty," crooned Saionji.

"You know I don't have to be uber-manly just to enthrall

So if that what you're into, then go 'head and move along!" Touga declared. He and Saionji sang in harmony at the chorus.

"Because you know I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about that face

'Bout that face... Hey!"

Touga went up the Student Council elevator, not stopping his singing even to do the chick and egg speech. When he got to the top, he strode to the balcony and sang to the entire school, the multitude of microphones being used for once. All the while, he admired his reflection in his hand mirror.

"I'm bringing cheekbones back

Go 'head and tell them tied up britches that

No, I'm just playing, I know you think I'm that

But I'm here to tell you…

Every inch of me is perfect from the bottom to the top." He walked over and sat down at the Student Council table. Juri was plugging Miki's ears to stop him from being corrupted. Still, Touga and Saionji kept on singing.

"Yeah, my dada he told me that everything's "in the eyes."

"Shoo wop wop, sha-ooh wop wop."

He says, "Girls like a little hypnosis to go on the side."

"That beauty, uh, that beauty beauty," crooned Saionji.

"You know I don't have to be uber-manly just to enthrall

So if that what you're into, then go 'head and move along!"

"Because you know I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about that face

'Bout that face…"

"Be quiet!" Juri said.

"Because you know I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about that face

'Bout that face…"

"Shut up!" Juri shouted.

"Because you know I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about my face

'Bout my face, not muscles

I'm all about that face

'Bout that face...Hey!"

"If you don't close your trap, Touga…"

"I'm all about my face

'Bout my face... Hey!

I'm all about my face

Bout my face…

Hey!

Yeah yeah... ohh... You know you like this face... Hey!"

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Juri screamed. Suddenly the whole school was silent. Touga looked shell shocked. "Miki, lend my your soul sword a second." Miki obliged. Juri slashed Touga's precious cheekbones. It took a little time to register, then Touga shrieked.

"My FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"


	7. Act 2 Scene 5

_A/N: Some humor for this week's update :D_

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own SKU or Uptown Funk, and thank goodness I don't.**

Act 2 Scene 5

It was the usual Ohtori Academy ball, full of Nanami pranking unsuspecting students, ChuChu getting drunk on champagne, and Utena dancing chivalrously with Anthy. Acting Chairman and official pimp of Ohtori, one Akio, was getting a little bored. So he called on his trusty bros, the Student Council President and Vice President, Touga and Saionji. After promising Kanae a kiss if she DJ'd the sound system, the three primped in preparation. Then, before anyone could fathom what was occurring, a big band sound blared from the speakers.

Walking out on the dance floor, Akio dead center, they began to perform.

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh,

Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh,

Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh,

Doh doh doh, doh duh…" They chanted.

"Aaaaaaooooooooooow!" Akio screamed.

"What is that?" Utena said, her jaw dropping open at the sight of Akio, Touga, and Saionji in street clothes and gold chains.

"I'm not quite sure, Miss Utena," Anthy replied vapidly.

"Some sort of jazz, I believe, Miss Anthy," Miki said. They looked back towards the wild performance that was going on.

"This hit, that ice cold,

The Rose Bride, that pink gold,

This one, for them duelists

Them masochists

Straight basket cases!" Their dance was perfectly synchronized. Utena blushed at the wink Akio sent her way, and Juri rolled her eyes, trying to pull Miki away from the ludicrous sight to preserve his innocence.

"Stylin', whilin',

Livin' it up in Ohtori

Got a rose crest on and a bouffant,

Sister kissed myself I'm too pretty!" Akio did a fancy spin.

"I'm too hot!" he yelled.

"Hot damn!" called back Touga and Saionji.

"Called the shadow girls like I can,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Make a prince want to retire, man,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Say my name, you know who I am,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Am I bad 'bout eternity,

Break it down!" They chorused.

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!" everyone yelled back.

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!"

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!"

"'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

Saturday night, and we're in the spot,

Don't believe me, just watch!"

"Come on!" Touga and Saionji refrained. Suddenly, all of the Ohtori student body, even the duelists, was dancing altogether, choreography perfected.

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh doh doh," they chanted.

"Hah!" Utena sang.

"Don't believe me, just watch," Akio crooned.

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh!"

"Hah!"

"Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Hey, hey, hey, oh!"

"Stop!" Akio yelled.

"Wait a minute!

Fill my arena, put some duelists in it!

Have a fight, emotional wreck,

Tsuwabuki! Get the stretch!" He grooved to the Music, and over to Utena. She started dancing with him shyly as Anthy looked on. Juri, who was restraining Miki on the sidelines, sighed. They were in deep trouble.

"Ride to the Arena, the Rose Garden, that piano of Miki's!

If we show up, we gonna show out,

Smoother than a planetarium, all trippy!" The horrific mess of bodies jamming out on the dance floor was truly frightening. Juri tried not to gag as she saw Touga flirting and girls glomping onto Saionji.

"I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Called the shadow girls like I can,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Make a prince want to retire, man,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Say my name, you know who I am,

I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

"Am I bad 'bout eternity,

Break it down!"

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!"

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!"

"It's Dios, yell hallelujah!"

"Whoo!"

"'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

'Cause Akio gonna give it to you!

Saturday night, and we're in the spot,

Don't believe me, just watch!"

"Come on!"

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh doh doh,"

"Hah!"

"Don't believe me, just watch,"

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh!"

"Hah!"

"Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Hey, hey, hey, oh!" Everyone suddenly stopped dancing, and Akio was in the spotlight, doing a dance solo yet again.

"Before we leave

Let me tell y'all a lil' something

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up, uh

I said Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!" Everyone screamed and joined in on the last verse.

"Come on, duel!

Jump on it!

If you depressed, then flaunt it

If you freak, then own it

Don't brag about it, come show me!" The crowd went wild.

"Come on, duel!

If you insane, then flaunt it

Well it's Saturday night and we're in the spot

Don't believe me, just watch.

Come on!" Juri was getting sick of this, and decided to take the matter into her own hands. She grumbled to herself. Was she the only one in this school with sense? All the time she was saving people from their stupidity. Of course Touga turned out looking even more dashing with the scars on his cheekbones. Ugh. Ridiculous.

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh doh doh,"

"Hah!"

"Don't believe me, just watch,"

"Doh! Doh doh doh, doh doh doh, doh doh!"

"Hah!"

"Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Don't believe me, just watch!

Hey, hey, hey, oh!" Juri was nearing the sound system.

"Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Say what?

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Say what?

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Say what?

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!

Say what?

Akio funk you up, Akio funk you up!" And at that moment, Juri kissed Kanae to distract her and unplugged the speaker cords. The music was cut off abruptly, and everyone else was shell shocked.

"Aaaaaaaooooooow!" Shiori yelled. She suddenly saw Juri still kissing Kanae and froze. Everyone started exiting the room. Kanae pulled away, embarrassed. Shiori left in a rage. Juri was left more or less by herself, Miki patting her shoulder. Why was it always Juri?


	8. Act 3 Scene 1

_A/N: It's been a while!_

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" and thank goodness.**

Act 3 Scene 1

As usual, Akio was riding his horse throughout the grounds of Ohtori, looking stylish and fabulous. By happenstance, he saw Utena walking along by herself from some class or other. Quickly primping his hair and rearing his horse, he dismounted to interrupt Utena in her path.

"Mr. Acting Chairman?" Utena asked in reply to the strange grin spreading across Akio's face. "Is something wrong? Whoaaa!" Utena whooped as Akio picked her up bridal style and began to sing;

"Nice to meet you, where you been?

I could show you incredible things

Magic, madness, heaven, sin

Saw you there and I thought

Oh Dios, look at that face

It's time for your next mistake

Love's a game, wanna play?"

He set Utena onto the horse, then jumped on in back of her. Akio grasped her waist as he set the horse trotting. All Utena could do was gape at this miraculous, princely figure. He smirked, running his long fingers through her hair. Touga, watching them go by, dissolved in tears at not being the one to caress Utena's lovely locks. Nanami promptly offered the solace of her own blond curls, but was rejected promptly. Akio smirked and continued on.

"Hair, blush pink, uniform

I can read you like all the stars

Ain't it funny, rumors fly

Faster than a scarlet sports car

So hey, let's be friends

Dying to see how my sister ends

Grab your sword and rose crest

I can make a girl Prince fall in a weekend."

They dismounted, and Akio ushered Utena into his tower's elevator, smoothly locking the door.

"So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames"

Mikage screamed somewhere in the distance.

"You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

'Cause you know I'm the best player

And you love the game."

He set tea in front of Utena, and she smiled at him. They flirted with their eyes as Akio slowly railed his hand up her thigh.

"'Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far

It'll leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a sister for a lover

She won't tell you anything

'Cause I am a fake prince, baby

And you'll take the blame.."

Utena woke up in her and Anthy's room, looking around anxiously for Akio. She dressed quickly, trying to fight Anthy's soothing words. Anthy hushed her protests until they reached the dining room, where Akio was waiting with a rose -flavored eclair on a plate. He handed, it to Utena, wishing her a good morning, and began singing again.

"Dueling arenas, crystal skies

I could show you incredible things

Stolen kisses, pretty lies

You're the Princess, I'm your Prince

I'll find out what you want

You'll be that girl for a month

Wait, the worst is yet to come, oh no."

Utena returned from the rest room to see Kanae joining them for breakfast. Akio was accommodating to Kanae, granting her every wish while ignoring Utena.

"Screaming, crying, perfect storms

I can make all the tables turn

Rose garden filled with thorns

Keep you second guessing like

"Oh my God, who is he?"

You'll get drunk on jealousy

But you'll come back each time you leave

'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream."

"Want me to drive you to class?" Akio asked Utena and Anthy. Utena nodded fastly before the invitation was rescinded. After they got in the car, Akio blasted the stereo and kept singing, drowning out the voice of the American singer.

"So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames"

Somewhere in Nemuro Memorial Building, Mamiya groaned in frustration.

"You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

'Cause you know I'm the best player

And you love the game."

Touga watched, hurt, as Akio escorted Utena to class. Saionji just patted him on the shoulder. "Now you know how I feel."

"'Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far

It'll leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a sister for a lover

She won't tell you anything

'Cause I am a face prince, baby

And you'll take the blame."

He waved at them, then zoomed off, but Utena couldn't take her eyes off of him. Akio kept singing to himself in satisfaction.

"Girls only want love if it's torture

Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya

Girls only want love if it's torture

Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn ya"

After school, Akio came by with his horse again to pick Utena up. She eagerly, yet delicately allowed herself to be lifted up onto Akio's horse. Once he joined her, they galloped off, Utena's arms spread to catch the wind dramatically as Akio sang the chorus once more. His voice was powerful, triumphant, magnificent.

"So it's gonna be forever

Or it's gonna go down in flames."

Mikage yelled with outrage.

"You can tell me when it's over

If the high was worth the pain

Got a long list of ex-lovers

They'll tell you I'm insane

'Cause you know I'm the best player"

"There, there, Touga," Saionji said sympathetically, hugging the Student Council President. "It's all right."

"And you love the game

"'Cause we're young and we're reckless

We'll take this way too far

It'll leave you breathless

Or with a nasty scar

Got a sister for a lover

She won't tell you anything"

"Wait what?" Utena stopped the horse. "YOU'RE HIMEMIYA'S LOVER?!" She leapt off the horse. "I can't believe you! I challenge you to a duel!"

"You only just started listening to the lyrics?" Akio chuckled. How cute." He slipped an arm around Utena's waist even as she struggled, and sung sweetly into her ear.

"'Cause I am a fake prince, baby,

And you'll take the blame."

"YOU MONSTER!" Utena threw a punch at Akio's face and kneed his crotch at the same time. He promptly fainted. Then, out of nowhere, Anthy appeared.

"Oh my. I do hope you are alright, Brother," she murmured vacantly.

"You…" Utena uttered.

"Yes, Miss Utena?" Anthy tilted her head, smiling.

"N-nevermind."


	9. Act 3 Scene 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own SKU or "The Boy With the Thorn in his Side."**

_**A/N: Remembered this song and decided on doing a throwback because why not?**_

**Act 3-Scene 2**

Mikage sat back in his chair, looking at his computer. Somehow he had ended up lost in the music he used to listen to when he was a young, teenage professor. He was about to leave this place, but he wanted to keep at last some memories.

"Who's that?" Mamiya asked curiously, setting a teacup down by Mikage's monitor. "An English Band?"

"'The Boy With the Thorn in His Side'," Mikage replied, naming the song. "By the Smiths."

"I didn't know you listened to music in English." Mamiya smiled. "But I guess it makes sense. You do have a thorn stuck in your side."

"Mamiya-kun!"

"A black rose thorn!"

"Enough of that. I need to finish my work."

"Alright, alright." As Mamiya walked back to his room, Mikage wished to himself that the boy would still keep some of that boyishness no matter what happened. It wasn't likely. Mikage went back to work, setting up for the professors that would soon replace him. He began to murmur the song to himself as he typed.

"The boy with the thorn in his side

Behind the hatred there lies

A murderous desire for love."

He hit the enter button, sending out all the emails that would let the hopefuls know their new position. Mikage knew love's destruction. Its terrible beauty. He also knew passion's danger. He couldn't quite tell the prospective new professors that, though.

"How can they look into my eyes

And still they don't believe me

How can they see me swing those swords

And still they don't believe me

And if they don't believe me now

Will they ever believe me?

And if they don't believe me now

Will they ever believe me?"

Shaking his head, Mikage turned off all the lights in his office. Now to put to final rest all of the other Black Rose Duelists. He went to the crematory and solemnly began the burning of a hundred passions. They were so familiar, just like reflections of himself. Once he was done, and the elevator was also shut down, he continued singing to himself.

"The boy with the thorn in his side

Behind the hatred there lies

A plundering desire for love"

Love and passion had costed Mikage. Too high a price in the eyes of some. But he felt strangely human. They would never understand, the desperate logic, the animal aggression. Not even the Ends of the World would. He was not human.

"How can they see the love in our eyes

And still they don't believe us

And after all this time

They don't want to believe us

And if they don't believe us now

Will they ever believe us?"

Mikage reached Mamiya's door and knocked. The boy opened it up, looking fresh-faced and determined.

"Are you still singing that melodramatic song?" he snorted.

"It's not melodramatic. Ohtori is melodramatic. This song is real."

As they walked side by side to the ends of the world, Mikage whispered the last few lines. He could almost imagine Tokiko walking with them. A single tear dripped down his cold cheek.

"And when you want to live

How do you start?

Where do you go?

Who do you need to know?"


End file.
